Happy fourth (I think) birthday to you, Blank Media Collective. Sorry I turned up to your birthday party, blankpages presents, late, exhausted and tanked up on cold medicine. Of course by ‘exhausted’ I only partially mean tired. I also partially mean ‘already drunk’. Fortunately I didn’t get near a microphone or any sort of audience. Nor did I spend too much time talking to anyone. On the other hand (there is always another hand) Michael’s girlfriend Lisa may forever know me as the Slug Sex Guy. But that was entirely unavoidable; what else was I to talk about? Isn’t that what people do; talk about videos of mating molluscs they have recently viewed?
Not that I am intent on digging myself deeper, and becoming the Slug Sex Guy to a wider audience, but I must insist on discussing slug sex for a tiny bit longer. When I say Slug Sex I don’t in any way mean being involved; just watching. Perhaps I need to make myself clear. The other day I bought a DVD: David Attenborough’s Life in the Undergrowth. It’s two discs and five episodes of miniscule wonder, and even though everyone knows that ants are the coolest, the slugs really push the boat out. Even though they seem to just be poo-shaped blobs they make a damn good go at being the most amazing mini-beasts in the entire show.
Bare with me a moment whilst I search youtube for this brain-bogglingly amazing video of the shagging slugs and their intertwined floral cocks. Ok, found it. As weird as we all know the natural world can be, it is still wonderful to see that weirdness stretched way, waaaaayyy, beyond any logical conclusion.... “each everts its male organ from just behind its head,” says Mr. Attenborough. “...they fan out to form a translucent flower-like globe...” indeed:
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